FIC: my hands look like this
Dec. 15th, 2018 10:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_ragnarok[PoI, rinch, rated T. negative body self-image]
John undoes Harold's shirt buttons, grinning as he goes. Beneath him Harold squirms.
"It is possible for me to keep my shirt on," Harold says. John likes how breathless he is already.
"It is," John says. He kisses Harold's neck, enjoying Harold's sigh. "Do you want to?"
"The question in, do you want to?" Harold's voice is carefully neutral.
John undoes another button. "What do you think?" He says, low, a tease and a challenge.
"I think one of us needs to stop answering questions with other questions," Harold says. "And I think you're insane."
"Takes one to know one." He kisses Harold, light and lingering. When they part, John takes a moment to appreciate the dazed look in Harold's eyes. He undoes two more buttons before Harold can blink himself into focus.
"You can't be serious." Even as Harold speaks, John pushes his shirt aside, revealing skin. Harold's nipples are very pale pink, a vulnerability John should have expected. It's a nice surprise.
They're very stiff. "Are you cold?" John says, thumbing Harold's nipple, curious to see his reaction.
Harold twitches and flushes. It extends down his neck and to his chest, John notes with glee. "I'm fine. Baffled, but otherwise alright."
"What's so confusing?" John retreats a bit, feasting his eyes on Harold's body. Not many scars visible from this angle. Mostly it's just skin, pale and dusted with soft-looking hair, the gentle curve of Harold's belly.
Then he looks at Harold's face, and feels abruptly ashamed of himself. Harold doesn't look at all happy to be exposed. Harold looks mortified, and like he's forcibly restraining himself from clutching his shirt closed.
John does it for him, gently doing back the buttons. "It's okay," John says. "You don't have to show me if you don't want to."
Harold's mouth purses. As he looks at John, though, his expression softens. He reaches out to cup John's cheek, and John leans into the touch and closes his eyes, helpless to turn away. "Oh, John," Harold says. "You didn't do anything wrong, you know. I'm just having some trouble understanding why you'd want me to remove my clothes."
With his eyes still half-shut, John says, "See, Harold, when two guys like each other very much...."
He catches Harold's eye-roll just fine. "Having affection towards me doesn't necessarily translate into wanting to see me naked." He pets John's jaw. John shivers. "Relationships are much more modular than people realize." Harold seems to be warming up to the subject. "It's possible to have so many combinations - romance without sex, tactile contact without romance, pure dominance or submission. Just to name a few."
Having Harold talk about dominance is making John a little dizzy, but he has a point he wants to stick to. "I don't want modular. I want you. Anything you want to give me. Including getting naked together. And having sex."
For a moment, Harold is silent, but he keeps petting John. No complaints on that angle. "You find me visually attractive." His tone is very doubtful.
John is kind of tempted to stop talking and just show Harold how much John likes him naked, but that seems like it might go badly. "I like your body. It's yours. It's you." Harold draws a breath to answer, but John's not done. "Yeah, you're not built like a field operative. You aren't and I never thought you were. If you're soft, it's because you can afford to be. Because you have me watching your back. And I... that's important to me. Makes me feel you're safe."
"Make you feel that I pose no danger?" Harold asks. "Or that I'm in no danger?"
"Yes." The former is a complete lie, of course. Harold could destroy him with no effort at all. But that, too, makes John feel better. Knowing he has Harold to keep the world safe from him if John ever goes bad. Goes worse.
But that's not important right now. John would rather focus on Harold, running his fingers through John's hair. "I suppose that's reasonable enough," Harold says. "I still don't quite understand - but I don't need to, do I?" At that, he pulls John's hair, making John groan. Not fair, going for John's buttons like that. "All I need to do is believe you. And I do."
This time, when John removes Harold's shirt, Harold assists. He's still shaking a little under John's hands, but John suspects that reaction isn't all bad. He also gasps when John nuzzles at his belly, resting his cheek against the softness there. John closes his eyes to focus on Harold's scent, the sensation of his skin. Harold's heart beating, his lungs drawing air.
John undoes Harold's shirt buttons, grinning as he goes. Beneath him Harold squirms.
"It is possible for me to keep my shirt on," Harold says. John likes how breathless he is already.
"It is," John says. He kisses Harold's neck, enjoying Harold's sigh. "Do you want to?"
"The question in, do you want to?" Harold's voice is carefully neutral.
John undoes another button. "What do you think?" He says, low, a tease and a challenge.
"I think one of us needs to stop answering questions with other questions," Harold says. "And I think you're insane."
"Takes one to know one." He kisses Harold, light and lingering. When they part, John takes a moment to appreciate the dazed look in Harold's eyes. He undoes two more buttons before Harold can blink himself into focus.
"You can't be serious." Even as Harold speaks, John pushes his shirt aside, revealing skin. Harold's nipples are very pale pink, a vulnerability John should have expected. It's a nice surprise.
They're very stiff. "Are you cold?" John says, thumbing Harold's nipple, curious to see his reaction.
Harold twitches and flushes. It extends down his neck and to his chest, John notes with glee. "I'm fine. Baffled, but otherwise alright."
"What's so confusing?" John retreats a bit, feasting his eyes on Harold's body. Not many scars visible from this angle. Mostly it's just skin, pale and dusted with soft-looking hair, the gentle curve of Harold's belly.
Then he looks at Harold's face, and feels abruptly ashamed of himself. Harold doesn't look at all happy to be exposed. Harold looks mortified, and like he's forcibly restraining himself from clutching his shirt closed.
John does it for him, gently doing back the buttons. "It's okay," John says. "You don't have to show me if you don't want to."
Harold's mouth purses. As he looks at John, though, his expression softens. He reaches out to cup John's cheek, and John leans into the touch and closes his eyes, helpless to turn away. "Oh, John," Harold says. "You didn't do anything wrong, you know. I'm just having some trouble understanding why you'd want me to remove my clothes."
With his eyes still half-shut, John says, "See, Harold, when two guys like each other very much...."
He catches Harold's eye-roll just fine. "Having affection towards me doesn't necessarily translate into wanting to see me naked." He pets John's jaw. John shivers. "Relationships are much more modular than people realize." Harold seems to be warming up to the subject. "It's possible to have so many combinations - romance without sex, tactile contact without romance, pure dominance or submission. Just to name a few."
Having Harold talk about dominance is making John a little dizzy, but he has a point he wants to stick to. "I don't want modular. I want you. Anything you want to give me. Including getting naked together. And having sex."
For a moment, Harold is silent, but he keeps petting John. No complaints on that angle. "You find me visually attractive." His tone is very doubtful.
John is kind of tempted to stop talking and just show Harold how much John likes him naked, but that seems like it might go badly. "I like your body. It's yours. It's you." Harold draws a breath to answer, but John's not done. "Yeah, you're not built like a field operative. You aren't and I never thought you were. If you're soft, it's because you can afford to be. Because you have me watching your back. And I... that's important to me. Makes me feel you're safe."
"Make you feel that I pose no danger?" Harold asks. "Or that I'm in no danger?"
"Yes." The former is a complete lie, of course. Harold could destroy him with no effort at all. But that, too, makes John feel better. Knowing he has Harold to keep the world safe from him if John ever goes bad. Goes worse.
But that's not important right now. John would rather focus on Harold, running his fingers through John's hair. "I suppose that's reasonable enough," Harold says. "I still don't quite understand - but I don't need to, do I?" At that, he pulls John's hair, making John groan. Not fair, going for John's buttons like that. "All I need to do is believe you. And I do."
This time, when John removes Harold's shirt, Harold assists. He's still shaking a little under John's hands, but John suspects that reaction isn't all bad. He also gasps when John nuzzles at his belly, resting his cheek against the softness there. John closes his eyes to focus on Harold's scent, the sensation of his skin. Harold's heart beating, his lungs drawing air.
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Date: 2018-12-15 10:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-12-16 06:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-12-16 07:26 am (UTC)(Sorry, I don’t actually have anything coherent to say)
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Date: 2018-12-16 08:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-12-17 05:50 am (UTC)<33333 this is beautiful.
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Date: 2018-12-17 06:18 pm (UTC)thank you!
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Date: 2018-12-17 04:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-12-17 06:19 pm (UTC)